Which “Hocus Pocus” character are you based on your zodiac sign?
This Hallow’s Eve one movie sequel is ready to put a spell on you.
Streaming on Disney+ beginning September 29, 2022, “Hocus Pocus 2″ is the long awaited sequel to the 1993 original. A financial failure when it was first released, the film has since become a much beloved cult classic, celebrated, quoted and imitated in costume by faithful fans including this writer.
Blessed be thy reckless virgins, the black candle is aflame once again and the Sanderson Sisters have returned. From the looks of the trailer, the unholiest of trinities is back for one night only, to sing tunes, serve looks and steal souls in Salem.
Back at it minus the kids and the cat, the cast of “Hocus Pocus 2” includes Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy and Doug Jones reprising their roles as the Sanderson sisters and stitch mouthed zombie suitor Billy Butcherson.
The movie’s highly anticipated resurrection will see the sisters looking to vape up vanity and secure their immortality while battling a new set of gumptious youths. And because sometimes we get nice things, the OG Sanderson sisters will be joined by their drag queen counterparts Kornbread, Ginger Minge and Kamora Hall.
In honor of this hallowed occasion and the onset of all hallows eve, we have paired a cast member from the original film with the zodiac sign they align with. Bubble your cauldrons ready your broomsticks, bury your boyfriends and read on to learn more.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
As a fledgling young fire sign, Max exhibits some tell tale Aries behaviors; skeptical, slamming doors at his dad, trying to be tough, lighting s**t on fire to impress a girl, acting reckless in an attempt to look fearless and who but an Aries would self reference themselves as a wizard and christen a sprinkler system, “the burning rain of death?” Yet, underneath all that hot air and poor decision making is a true sweetheart and a hero in the making who is willing to sacrifice his own life to save his sister. We love it when an Aries puts family first and puts out the fires they start.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Dani is the resident Taurus of the cast. The sign of the bull is known for being stubborn, stylish, defiant and food motivated. True to form, our girl commits to an outfit, is adept at bargaining with the enemy, easily strong arms her brother and is dedicated to the free snack free for all that is trick or treating. Nurturing and low key possessive, it tracks that Dani would want to keep the immortal feline Thackary Binx as a house pet.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
Ice and Jay
Two peas in a pod and bullies in a cage, resident douche lords Jay and Ice represent some of the lower expressions of Gemini energy. Gemini rules language and natives often speak too soon, too often or too much trash to the wrong group of new kids and witches. Such was the case for these two Ne’er-do-wells who suffer the caged consequences of shaking Dani down for her candy, robbing Max of his Nikes and insulting the Sanderson sisters.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
Prickly, obsessed with the past and haunted by his own personal defeats, Thackary Binx is an immortal cat and an absolute Cancer. As the uncontested martyr of the zodiac, Cancers are willing to face down death to spare the ones that they love. This sign represents the archetype of the mother and when these folks fail to protect their nearest and dearest they engage in a cycle of self-flagellation that can only be cured by the intercession of forgiving ghosts in white nightgowns.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
With her iconic hair, crippling vanity, serious stage presence and dictator vibes, Winifred Sanderson is Leo energy incarnate. Leo rules the fifth house of creativity and play and Leos are forever trying to find or furnish the party, thus it comes as no surprise that Winnie was able to galvanize the adult population of Salem to dance to death through a spellbinding karaoke performance. Image obsessed, the eldest Sanderson sisters vanity drives her not only to tears and acts of vengeance but to vape the souls of innocent children.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Virgo is ruled by Mercury, planet of exchange, communication and the written word. Natives tend towards curiosity, intellectual superiority and subtlety. True to form, Allison is well read, interested in the occult, academically adept and into cardigans. Practical but with allowances for superstition, Allison tries to persuade Max not to light the black flame candle in the withes house and has the good sense/reflex to protect her friends with a ring of salt.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Vacuum riding, child hunting Mary is a classic Libra. Represented by the scales and balances, Libra is a natural diplomat and Mary balances the energy betwixt, and brokers the peace between, alpha Winnie and spacey Sarah. Faithful to the appeasing, diffusive energy of her sun sign, Mary employs shameless flattery to calm and subtly cajole her elder sister. Ruled by Venus, Libras are sensual creatures and it tracks that Mary would have a supernaturally strong sense of smell.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Back from the dead, our favorite ex-boyfriend Billy Butcherson embodies the Scorpio trifecta of sex, death and regeneration. Not put off by witchcraft or the suggestion of darkness, he bedded down not one but two supernatural sisters. Scorpio rules the genitalia and Billy’s earned him Winnie’s wrath. Proving that no one holds a grudge quite like a scorpion our boy Billy was willing and waiting to exact revenge on Winnie for binding his mouth with a dull needle and his soul to restlessness. He also came correct with a string of insults three hundred years in the making, hate screaming at Winnie, “Wench! Trollop! You buck toothed, mop riding firefly from hell!” Ouch, bro.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Good natured, into costumes, down to dance and generous with candy, the Devil, played by actor and director Garry Marshall is big time Sagittarius vibes. The first we see of Marshall’s Devil he is in full on pajama pageantry and surrounded by fake flames, apropos for this fun loving fire sign. Ruled by Jupiter, planet of abundance, archers are always game for an adventure, a night cap, an extramarital affair or a trio of witches. Despite the protests of his wife, played by his real life sister Penny Marshall, the spirit in, and of, this devil can’t be dampened, optimism being the hallmark of this mutable sign.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Winnie’s spell book
Capricorn is the builder of the zodiac and the foundation of all the Sanderson sisters power lives in this flesh bound tome. Like seagoats themselves, book keeps things inside and is commanding without being communicative. In addition, the tarot card associated with Capricorn is the devil and the book was said to have been a gift of ol’ Lucifer himself to the eldest Sanderson sister.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Aquarians are a curious, experimental sort so it tracks that one of their own would follow a melodious voice into a dark and ominous wood. Water bearers are capable of disassociating at will as Emily seems to do when she fails to see or heed the cries of her brother Thackary. Aquarius is an air sign and natives have an otherworldly vibe about them ranging from the ethereal to the utterly alien. In kind, Emily’s life force is a heady, drinkable vapor and her on screen presence ranges from glowing, ephemeral husk to shimmery ghost child.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Pisces is ruled by Neptune, planet of dreams and delusions and it is sister Sarah that entrances the little children with her singing, drawing them towards the cottage of doom. Easily distracted and a sucker for love, Sarah is pure Pisces. Like her fellow fish, Sarah just wants to sing weird melancholy trance music and “play” with boys, her code for both soul snatching and sexual hijinks.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.