What Halloween candy are you based on your zodiac sign?
Trick or treat! Halloween is here and with it the promise of boo baskets and pillowcases laden with candy and the odd toothbrush from a joy kill Capricorn.
Dressing children up in disguises and encouraging them to go door to door in search of strangers with candy would at first glance seem like a very questionable pastime. In practice in the United States for the better part of a century, trick or treating has its roots in the old world and the ancient Celts.
During Samhain, the pagan precursor to Halloween, it was believed that the dead returned to earth and celebrants donned animal skin get-ups to ward off the baddies and left out plates of food to appease malevolent ghosts.
Since we as a people are a cutthroat and capitalizing bunch, this practice evolved or devolved into folks playing dress-up in exchange for food and booze, a pastime known as mumming. Before long, Christians were on the scene and mucking up all the fun and mumming thus became “souling” wherein poor children would go to the houses of the wealthy and be given cake in exchange for their promise to pray for the souls of the affluent dead. Souling, in practice and spirit lives on as rich people by and large can still be counted on to give out the goods on Halloween.
Despite a possible shortage in Halloween candy this year (truly horrifying) we invite you to open up your boo basket and prepare to be delighted by our list of the zodiac signs as Halloween candy.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Ruled by warrior planet Mars, Aries is synonymous with the spirit of competition. In kind, Snickers, manufactured by Mars Inc. is a long-time sponsor of the NFL and the Olympic games. Aries folk are known for their explosive tempers, a rage reflected in the classic Snickers, “you’re not you when you’re hungry” ad campaign.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Taurus rules the throat and natives elevate the act of eating from routine to ritual. Ruling the second house of values and valuables, bull folk tend to be possessive about objects and obsessive about snack foods, an energy distilled in Bart Simpson’s devotion to the “Crispety, Crunchety, Peanut Buttery Butterfinger.”
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
Only a single letter separates Twix from twin, the enduring symbol of Gemini. Twix bars are packaged two to a wrapper and Geminis are typically born with at least two personalities. Dynamic, divisive, and argumentative, twins can get on board, and caramel-covered biscuit, with the Twix “Pick a Side” ad campaign that pits left side Twix against identical right.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
100 Grand Bar
Perhaps owing to their acute sensitivity and heightened powers of perception, Cancers are the class clowns of the zodiac with an unprecedented number of comedians falling under the sign of the crab, including but not limited to; Robin Williams, Kevin Hart, Ricky Gervais, Eddie Griffin and Michelle Wolf. Fittingly, the 100 Grand Bar has been the subject of many a radio prank, with announcers offering callers $100,000 and delivering a single bar instead, and has even been plot points in episodes of “The Office” and “Seinfeld.”
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Invented to be admired and destined to be imitated, Leo shares much in common with the classic candy apple. First introduced by William W. Kolb, the high-shine apples were originally used as part of window displays to advertise his red cinnamon candy. So appealing were the model apples, “good enough to eat,” as it were, that customers demanded them and an industry was born. Since their days as a decoration, candy apples have gone on to inspire a high gloss trend in cars and cosmetics billed as “candy apple red.”
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Named for a 19th-century London club with strong literary and political ties, the hallowed Kit Kat bar debuted during Virgo season in 1935. Virgo rules the sixth house of labors and the daily grind. Fittingly, the four-piece design of the chocolate bar came courtesy of a factory employee who recommended the brand build “a chocolate bar that a man could take to work.” Virgos are also big on control, portions or otherwise, making the quad division of the snack a compatible feature,
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup
Synonymous with balance, Libra rules the seventh house of partnership and there has never been a more perfect union than that of peanut butter and chocolate. Born in a Pennsylvania basement, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups have grown to become the most popular convenience store candy of all time, an honor perennially likable Libras can relate to. The people of the scales and balances are socially adaptable, bordering on chameleonic and the Peanut Butter Cup is similarly known to change form and filling according to trends and holidays.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Halloween falls during Scorpio season and this kernel-inspired candy, alongside jack o’ lanterns, skulls and witch hats, has become something of a symbol for the holiday. Candy corn is tricolored and Scorpio is a sign associated with a trinity of animal totems; the serpent, the scorpion and the proverbial phoenix. Scorpios are an extreme and extremely polarizing lot and candy corn is similarly beloved and bedeviled with haters dismissing it as “Satan’s Earwax.”
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Sagittarius is the eternal optimist of the zodiac, with a spring in their step, a citrus squeezer in hand and a dad joke on the tongue, you can’t keep these people down or out. Similarly, Mr. Goodbar was leveraged by Hershey’s as a way to keep the company afloat and employees at work during the Great Depression. Marketed as a “Tasty Lunch” due to the supposed nutritional value of the peanuts it contained, Mr. Goodbar was priced at two for a nickel. The tactic worked and sales from the bar saved the company from having to lay off or lower wages during the economic downturn.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Cardinal earth sign Capricorn rules over the teeth and skeletal system, values things that last, is innately suspicious of frivolity and flies the banner of “for your own good.” Sea goats are ruled by Saturn the strict daddy planet of structure and hard lessons and there is no sterner symbol than the trick-or-treat toothbrush.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Aquarius is ruled by two planets, Saturn and Uranus, and M&Ms are named for two men, Bruce Murrie of Hershey’s and Forrest Mars Sr. of Mars chocolate. Aquarius is commonly associated with innovation and cosmic exploration. Fittingly, M&Ms were developed as a war ration, their candy case preventing the chocolate from melting in the pockets of soldiers. Further, M&M’s routinely made it “to infinity and beyond” as the candy of choice aboard NASA space shuttles.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Pisces is the domain of Neptune, planet of dreams, poetry, inspiration and music. True to form, the sound of biting into a Crunch bar has been hailed as “music to your mouth.” By and large Pisceans are a hopeful, if sometimes illusory, bunch and the latest generation of Crunch advertising bills the bar as “Part lifestyle movement. Part emotional uplift…Maybe it’s the unproven solution to EVERYTHING?” Don’t dream it be it, babies.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.