Best dating app to try based on your zodiac sign
In the weird wilderness of online dating, we’re out here looking for love, a convenient quickie, or bare minimum a little “Human Touch.”
The interwebs are rife with trash monsters, tales of dates gone awry, Bumble body shaming, shirtless thirst traps, red flags, smug questionnaires, quandaries of love vs. lust, and an equal shake of vulgarity and poignant vulnerability. Despite it all, we as a lonely legion of people can’t help but keep on swiping, typing and trying.
But with so many platforms promising the means to meaningful connection, how do we choose where to post our pics and shoot our shots?
Astrology, as per usual, is here to help.
Read on to learn more about the dating app that best aligns with your zodiac sign and spells love or at least getting lucky for those of you brave enough to try.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Aries are built for apps as they make dating feel like an interactive video game with the possibility of a physical payoff, like PacMan with hand jobs. As a cardinal fire sign, Aries has little time for pretense and as a hookup app, Tinder has no time for filters or any sort of algorithm. Ever on the lookout for combustible company and flammable feelings, Aries are quick to act on attraction and can appreciate the no-frills, cut-to-the-chase, swipe-left, swipe-right interface of Tinder.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Taurus rules the second house of values and possessions and natives love a tale of wrongful treatment that ends in riches as revenge. Enter Bumble founder Whitney Wolfe Heard, an original developer of Tinder who resigned, sued the company for sexual harassment and turned her compensation into the bedrock of Bumble and a billion-dollar business. Taurus is ruled by Venus and as such appreciates a song and a snack with equal ardor. Fittingly, Bumble has partnered with both Spotify and OpenTable to enrich the profiles and palettes of its users.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
Choice and commitment are the banes of all Geminis and Tawkify is blessedly decisive. This app pairs users with a matchmaker who curates a list of potential love interests and proceeds to “plan and schedule an interesting, creative date experience to take the pressure and stress out of first date planning. You simply show up ready to meet a new wonderful someone and have fun.” Showing up and having fun without having to do any arduous work or make any pressing decisions? Geminis rejoice.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
Match.com is a place where “being real beats playing it cool” which is great news for the crab contingent because when it comes to love, Cancers have no chill. Match.com allows users to reach out to others regardless of whether the match is mutual, ideal for Cancers who are adept at convincing the gun-shy or love averse to go all in. There are a lot of profiles to sort through but Cancers low-key love a punishing romantic pursuit/trash sift so this is not necessarily a drawback. Also, the feature that encourages users to share their success stories reads, “We believe in love, and we believe it’s contagious.” Yikes. “That’s why we’d love for you to share your story, along with any words of inspiration for others who are hoping to find love too!” Sentiments that positively drip with Cancer energy.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Facebook Dating App
Like the average Leo, The Facebook Dating App appears approachable but is in fact very hard to get close to, which is fine by the app and the sign because both expect you to prove your worth and dedication upfront. When you finally figure out how to date/download the emphasis is on shared interests and event RSVPs. Bonus for image-driven Leos, you can add more photos using this platform than any other.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Founded by a Virgo psychologist, eHarmony describes itself as the #1 trusted dating app, and consequently, Virgos are the #1 sign to trust with secrets, skeletons and sink scouring. An industrious earth sign, Virgo loves a work book and the eHarmony process begins with a compatibility quiz that’s then used to create a personality profile for each user, “an informative report about your character, lifestyle, relationship behavior and communication style.” These profiles are compiled and compared and each eHarmony match contains a compatibility score, great for Virgos who don’t trust their own feelings but love a hard fact and a percentage point.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Billed as the “relationship app” Hinge is really just Tinder with a less tacky interface and cleaner aesthetics, the latter being catnip to Libra, the sign of partnerships and polite perversions. Further, in a very, very Libra move, the company itself was saved by a soiree. After nearly going bust, the crew at Hinge threw what was left of their budget into a swank D.C. launch party complete with an open bar and a headlining DJ. This bold move enabled them to secure their next round of funding and allowed those with good taste to find mates. Bonus, it’s free to use.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Obsessive, intuitive and darkly romantic, Scorpio wants love to feel like fate and Happn is the app that best approximates that feeling by notifying singles when they cross paths with another user IRL. Scorpios fear rejection more than any other sign, harboring as they do the feeling that they are unlovable and Happn seems particularly tender to this condition: “Did someone catch your eye? Like them secretly. We promise, the person will never know, unless they Like you back.” Additionally, Happn allows users to hide information from their profiles and schedule invisibility features that terminally suspicious Scorpios will deeply appreciate.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Launched in the winter fire of Sagittarius season, Zoosk, like this mutable fire sign, marches to the beat of its own drum. Zoosk, like the average archer, celebrates the authentic and searches for the truth and this app was the first to introduce the Photo Verification tool to ensure that users are who they say are. Sagittarius is synonymous with independence, adventure and higher education and Zoosk, one of the few major dating apps not owned by the Match Group, was founded by a team of international scholars determined to make online dating profitable and soulful.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Ruled by Saturn and driven towards excellence, Capricorns will feel seen by The League which proudly encourages discernment: “High standards? Keep them that way. The League is a dating community designed for the overly ambitious that know what they want & refuse to settle.” It reads like practical poetry to a Cap. Sea goats understand the power of scarcity and the importance of time and will appreciate that the app has criteria for inclusion and supplies just five scant matches per day
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Dubbed the “Illuminati Tinder,” the elitist Raya app has an acceptance rate akin to that of an Ivy League college. Similarly, Aquarians tend to think they’re better than, or at least intellectually beyond, most people, making Raya a natural fit for water bearers on the lookout for love. Aquarius is globally minded and the Raya app connects people from all over the world, presumably believing users are wealthy or willing enough to jet set for a date. Curiously, the criteria for consideration include the provision that users can’t have “consistent displays of excessive wealth.” So like, be rich but chill. Aquarius rules the eleventh house of community and Raya’s guidelines read like orgy etiquette, “Every member is expected to follow our simple rules of respect, trust, and privacy. Raya removes former members who don’t share these same community ideals. Furthermore, we reserve the right to suspend or remove any membership we no longer feel strengthens our community.”
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Plenty of Fish
Aside from the obvious connection between the name of this app and Pisces being symbolized by the fish, the description for Plenty of Fish appears to have been written by a Pisces to bait their people. Consider the evidence: “Every day, our members are meeting their forever blanket thief, Ikea sherpa, personal spider hunter… you get the point. We couldn’t be prouder of all the brave souls out there finding their other half.” Ikea sherpa? Blanket thief? Talk about obscene allusions to cuteness and coupledom. Resolutely romantic no matter how many times reality catches them like a hook to the heart, this mutable water sign can’t help but earnestly cast themselves into the sea of love again and again, a behavior POF understands and encourages, “Your better half can only get to know you in and out if you’re being yourself at all times. We’ll pass on the perfect selfie or cute filters. Your perfect match is only perfect if you know you’re being real and honest with each other from the start.” Be real, be relentless, go fish and go fishing.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.
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